Is This Called Cheating?

I have a boyfriend and I love him. In fact, we love each other very much but there is one big problem. We cannot be together for long. My family cannot accept him. And I love my family too much to give up on them. That is why I believe that the right thing for me to do is to let go of this relationship, but not until we’re being pushed to the very edge of the cliff.

At the same point of time, there is this other person which seems to have gotten a little hold of my heart. It is still unclear to me if the feelings that is contained within me for this other person is real or just temporary. I’ve felt this way for the very same person before but in the past, I managed to push the feelings aside. Now, the feelings are back.

In my heart and in my mind, I do not know if I should ever think of taking this friendship between me and the other person another level higher. First of all, we’re good friends. Really good friends… and I just don’t want to risk the chance of not being able to be friends at all. Well, I’m the sort of person that looks really far into the future. I cannot help but think of both positive and negative effects to my future based on my present choices.

I’ve taken too many risks and failed too many times. I’ve risen after a fall and fell again and risen again. Steps I have taken once too many for me to continue going through them over again and again. I’m no longer the young girl with a carefree heart that I once knew. In the company of many, I still try my best to act as though many things are fine with me and that I am getting along with my problems really well. But the truth, nobody knows. Only the readers of this blog and myself.

Day in and day out I think about this other person. Let us call him “B”.

Everything I do, everywhere I go I think about him. Even with I’m with my boyfriend I still think about B. But at the same moment of time, I do not know if I want to have anything more than just friendship with him. B has been a real good friend and a great hangout buddy and I don’t want to lose that just yet.

I need help and I need it soon. I’m going out of my mind!