What.Should.I.Do?

Dear readers,

It has been ages since I last wrote an entry for this blog. It's been so long I almost forgot that this blog ever existed in the first place!

But of course, at time like these, when I feel the sudden urge to pour my emotions and thoughts to someone and could find no one.. I remember.

You see, I'm currently facing a dilemma.

I have been in between jobs for the longest time now. It is not because I cannot find a job but I just do not know what I want to do. But today, I was having a conversation with my mom and sister and found out that my sister is interested in applying for a job with an airline company as an air stewardess. And hey! was I totally piqued by that idea!

I have always been interested in flying around the world, to see places, meet people of different cultures, etc. And what other jobs would pay me to accomplish all that?!

But unfortunately, I have a boyfriend back home and he is not entirely enthusiastic about the whole idea of having me travelling across mountains and the vast seas. In fact, he thinks lowly of the flight industry thanks to all the sleaziness that is mainly due to human error (in making proper choices) that has caused for this particular industry.

So I consulted my best friend in relations to this dilemma. She told me that if it was something I wanted to do, then by all means, go ahead... BUT, of course, to every good thing there is a downside.

I am not exactly young anymore. I am currently a quarter century old. How many years will I have left to fly around in an airplane to places that I have never been before while having to juggle my relationship that is supposed to be blossoming into a lifelong partnership. Am I risking too much? Even if it is something I have always dreamed of doing?

My boyfriend did tell me the same thing about "no harm trying" and WHEN and IF my application does get accepted, we will discuss this matter again.

One question that both my boyfriend AND friend posted to me was "where is the future in the flight industry?" which got me thinking. It is true that after experiencing a flight attendants' life, many people will not want to get out of it. But I totally believe that my case could be an exception. Why?

All my life, I have dreamed about being a good wife and a good mother. In the end, I intend to be a stay-home wife and mom. I'm sure that this is a good reason enough for me to know that I will stop flying when I do get married and decide to settle down and build a family of my own!

I cannot ignore the fact that a part of me is also afraid that - if I do try and get accepted - this will be another decision that I might regret at the end of the day. I have made enough mistakes throughout my 25 years living on this earth. However, there is also a part of me that tells me that I should do what I want to do as long as I am happy. But will I stay happy for as long as I think I would?

Life is tough. When I finally thought there is something that I would want to do and would excel in... I see the barriers that hinder my path.

Tell me, what should I do?

Let's Welcome Our First Contributor To Anonymous-I-Am.Blogspot.Com!

This is the first story sent to anonymous.emailed@gmail.com for publishing on this site.

I would like to thank ‘NOICA’ on my behalf and the other readers of this blog for being the first contributor to this site.

We hope that there are more to follow; whether if it is from NOICA again or anyone because your stories are always welcomed at anytime, any day.

To our readers, do feel free to drop comments on any post if you have anything at all to say. It doesn’t matter if it’s just something small like saying ‘Hello’. What’s important is that the writers will know that someone has read their stories.

So again, whether you’re a storyteller or a reader… you all have your very own parts in this blog.

Anyway, let’s not prolong our first story from NOICA.

Here is it…

"I would like to share with you a story about the kindness of people, or maybe is it the unkindness if people.

It all started with the great decision of moving together to our own new apartment. We were much exited to start looking for our new home; soon it turned out to be mission impossible. I don’t mind looking for a place to live but I do mind meeting greedy small people. When you are in a position of the "looker" people tend to show their ugly side, very ugly!

We came to see a great apartment, when we showed the attendees that we like their place they had decided they will give the place only to the person who will give them 700 $ for a few stupid furniture.

We had no other choice but to say yes. And than he had send us the most stupid contract, that we are buying his stuff and only than he will give us the opportunity to talk with the owner of the apartment, We again said yes only because we really wanted that place.

Today the "kind" person told us he gave the place to another person.

I hope that bad things will happen to him.

So this is a story about how a person becomes greedy and unkind to others. I hate him even though I don’t really know him

I hope someone will do the same to him!"

NOICA

Out of Love

I know life is more than just love and relationships but truly, who can deny that love and relationship is the biggest part of life? It is love that brings everyone together; love that makes us whole.

As I lay here on my bed, I think to myself, will I ever find my true love? Will I just let it pass me by? Will I know it is true love if it stares me in the face?

I’ve never dreamed of having anything more than love. True love…

There are times when I suddenly feel afraid that I might have to go through this world alone – with no one to care for and with no one who will care for me. What if it is destined that I am meant to be all alone? If it is God’s will – then who am I to question or to even hope?

Perhaps there is this whole other purpose for my living. Perhaps my love is to be shared with more than just one person. Perhaps I am meant to do the work of God by lending a hand to the needy people. I’ve always had the need to help someone who is troubled or in aching inside.

I guess this is why I started this blog – for people to share their deep thoughts and express feelings that they have hidden in their hearts for so long. The most important thing is for people to feel they are heard.

As for now, I just hope that this blog will be of help to everyone who needs it. And I will continue along my path in the search for true everlasting love.

Unrequited Love

I had a close friend called David*. When I say close, I mean really, REALLY close. We hung out often and we were real buddies. How did we meet? He was my then-boyfriend’s friend. Whenever my then-boyfriend and I had an argument, I used to look for David and he was the only one in this world who seemed to care.

Honestly speaking, I did develop some feelings towards him but I knew nothing could ever blossom for it was nothing more than an unrequited love.

This went on between us for a really long time. He was there for me and I was there for him whenever we needed someone to be there for us.

I had a boyfriend, then another and so did he. But still, we stood by each other knowing that we will always be there for each other until one day…

I was having trouble with my current relationship and so was he. After having a few drinks, he told me that me he has feelings for me, for a long time now. I, who was not on my best state of mind did not avoid this confession but confessed my true feelings I had of him. This was when our friendship flew out the window.

I knew that he was still in love with his girlfriend or ex-girlfriend (at that time, I did not know if they were still attached) and although he did tell me that he likes me and that he wants to be with me, somehow… my intuition was telling me that he was still seeing the other girl.

Things went from bad to worse; from surreptitious get-togethers to bedrooms.

After a month, he told me he has yet to really break up with the other girl; I’ve had enough of the baloney and told him we needed to quit this bullshit. Not surprisingly, he agreed. My, did I feel used! He was a trusted friend of mine and I just could not believe it that this is happening to us. We were supposed to be friends!

We were not in talking terms for a long time since that day when I ended our “relationship”. A few days ago, he called.

Not understanding his true reasons for calling, I chatted with him as though nothing has happened in the past. We updated each other on our lives and I didn’t realize how much I missed this friend of mine. But then, I had to remind myself that the true friend I once had in him is no longer there. He is a different person now. Soon, we got off the phone.

Last night, he called again and this time, he was drunk. He started saying things about how I have always been the one there for him whenever he needed someone, and now I was the only one who truly cared for him since day one and basically about how I was the ONE.

I couldn’t understand half the things he was mumbling to himself but in my head, there was only one thought. He’s looking for someone to sleep with tonight. And I just couldn’t take the pain I felt in my heart. Once upon a time, I would have believed wholeheartedly without a doubt that he REALLY needed someone to hear him out. Now, there is this voice in my head will always be telling me to beware of his “true” intentions.

I truly regret.

I regret choosing to have him to call my own for just a moment in time when I somehow knew that a real relationship was far from beginning. If only I had chosen otherwise, at least I may still have a true friend whom I will still be able to love as I did before even if he is never to know the truth about my feelings.

*Name has been changed to protect the identity of the subject

With Love Comes Pain

Deep down inside, I truly love him. But I wished he was of a different religion. If it was not for his religion, we would probably be married with kids now.

I know that he loves me with all he’s got and because I know we can never be, I’m afraid to give him all of me. Yes, it is selfish of me not to give him everything but nevertheless, he is the one person I’ve ever truly loved.

B is a very good friend of mine. And there are times when he just makes me feels so “at home”; he makes me feel so comfortable by just being myself. It’s not that my current loved one makes me feel as though I can’t be myself but I will have to change. There are many things I will need to let go of which sometimes I do feel rather tied down.

I’m so confused but yet I don’t really know why I should be because I already have the answer within my heart.

We can never be. We will never be.

Love is a great feeling but with love, comes the greatest pain.